Use counselling theory to understand own relationships.

This work is from Level 3 counselling course back in 2013.

Today I felt that I needed to write about my relationship with my uncle’s friend after writing him a letter. My uncle spent most of his life in prison and ended his own life there too. After the funeral I was given his belongings, suicide note and came across a letter from his friend who was also in prison with the same name as my uncle. I wrote him a letter explaining about the death of my uncle, I was not sure why I did this until now, I think now that I did not want it to be final and I had many unanswered questions plus I did not want to believe my uncle could take his own life, I guess the feeling of abandonment was just as strong as the feeling of loss. It was like a double barrel when reflecting as I needed my uncle in my life due to never meeting my father. My uncle filled in this empty space of the male / farther figure, even though I have only known him for 10 years or so.

I have carried on writing to my uncle’s friend and at first it eased the pain of loss and it lessened the feeling of abandonment, I feel now I have formed a friendly relationship and like to think my uncle’s friend also benefited from my letters, as he now seems to be less angry at the world and himself, I have come to terms and I understand my uncles suicide note he left me and the answers to my questions I had, no longer feel they need to be answered , I do not feel the full pain any longer, but come away feeling I could empathise with family’s that experience suicide. Writing words on paper to someone you do not know has been very therapeutic experience for me and I have now come to terms with the loss of my uncle. I now understand the feeling of abandonment and why I felt this way from my uncle’s death which I no longer feel.

I am not sure where this relationship will go or when it will end, but I do feel much better about having it than not at the moment, I like to think that my uncles friend sees hope for a better life, as I understand how life is for him, living it through my uncle over the years, seeing and feeling the pain prison life has on a person. As all you can do is reflect on your actions and past experiences wishing you did it another way, or the reasons why you did certain things. I do not feel I can save him, but feel if we are both healing inside from this relationship and I know it will end soon, but it has helped me to heal slowly. This relationship has been a coping mechanism for me and for me to understand my uncle’s thoughts before taking his life. I guess you never really understand a person unless they are being honest with themselves, and to do that I feel you must understand your feelings and where they are from. I am still learning about myself now, and know that soon I will be at peace with just being me. We all have our own problems or issues but when you really think about it all, do you really want it to reflect who you are?