Back in week 6 in 2013 I did a session in class on Bowlby’s and Mary Ainsworths Attachment Theory and I found this very interesting, and after reflecting this information I believe I have found the explanation on why my relationship with my mother has been so rocky over the years. This is the conclusion I have come to:
I understand that the first relationship sets the path to how I will be in other relationships, I have had many fall outs with my mother and never seeing eye to eye on anything and it ends in arguments, but back at the end of November 2013 my relationship has become much better, the reason why is ME, I think and see things differently. Well after reading the theories I understand that my emotional bond was broken between myself and my mother at a very early age, due to being separated from my mother as she was sent to prison and no father figure was about for support,( or caregiver) I feel my attachment towards my mother was broken along with the trust. This separation happened a further 7 times between the ages of 3 – 7 years old. I can now see that my mother had been trying to reach out to me many times, and I would push her away, and the arguments would come from the frustration we both felt. With this information now I feel I understand that when the bond was broken over the space of a few years I became to know that trusting my mother would result in further hurt and the feeling of abandonment too.
Working on these things in personal therapy I now have a new relationship with my mother , which is good as I understand why the way it was before and she understands how I feel, I understand her feeling too. We have both taken a step back and understand each other’s needs, I feel less stressed and angry towards her when we are together. The relationship is not perfect but I feel at last we have some kind of calm relationship.
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